The School Improvement Network's featured Strategy of the Week last week was on maintaining discipline. The author stated, "There’s no magic wand for helping [children] maintain discipline...And if you think about it, such a magic wand would probably do more harm than good. Effective discipline is less about keeping [children] in line and more about helping [them] understand their behavior, their priorities, and the value of their relationship with you."

It has often been said that discipline is really more about self control and making wise choices. Our job as parents is to guide children in their journey to making wise choices - and to allow them to experience both the positive and negative consequences of the choices they make. "Rather than being methods of control or punishment, they should be seen as learning opportunities that help students understand the relationship of behavior and outcomes." (SRI)

 

Five Key Ideas About Consequences 

from School Reform Initiative

1. There are no punishments, just consequences
Punishments don’t teach the truly valuable lessons, especially when they demean, demoralize, or shame. On the other hand, if we keep in mind that we’re providing consequences, it’s easier to approach every step of discipline as a learning experience.
2. Consequences are used as a pause to get our [children's] attention
Sometimes a quiet conversation is all it takes to get a child’s attention. Other times, it takes a more severe consequence. Either way, a consequence should serve to give a child a pause to reflect on his/her choices.
3. Consequences should be organized in a tiered hierarchy
Use a hierarchy of consequences, starting with the mildest first. Then slowly and calmly increase the consequences as necessary, stopping with the first one that gives the child the pause you’re seeking.
4. We have no control over our [children]
It’s important to remember that, ultimately, we have no control over our children and following the rules is their decision to make. Yes, we have the power of suggestion. Yes, we can influence decisions with our voice, our tone, the redirection strategies we employ, and the consequences that follow. But, in the end, the decision is theirs. The deeper our respect for this, the easier it is for us to remain calm and supportive in moments when we might wish we had more control.
5. Consequences teach students that they have the power of choice
When your consequences provide children an opportunity to pause and reflect, it affirms to them that they have the power of choice. They become aware that how they choose to behave determines the consequences (good or bad) that follow. They have the choice to misbehave, accept consequences, and calm down. Or, they have the choice to abide by rules and experience the positive consequences.

How do you feel about these ideas? What might you add to or alter in this list?